There is this thing they call “See Finish” in Nigerian lingo. Basically, it describes a situation where two people have gotten so used to each other that they may begin to take each other for granted. This may lead to intentionally or unintentionally hurting the other person’s feelings because you no longer see “the spark” that attracted you to them in the first place.
N.B – This applies to romantic relationships as well.
We are actually all guilty of this, at one time or the other we have perceived our friends or loved ones as less than they are because there’s this state of mind that commonly sets in when we get too used to somebody – it’s like their uniqueness fades from our eyes. We can no longer see why they’re even that special.
It is so wrong. On so many levels.
I’ve witnessed absurd friendships where one person shuts out the other person for unknown reason. There’s obviously an imbalance because one person is always doing the reaching out while the second person constantly leaves the other hanging.
Now before you say that maybe the person is going through something, I have two reasons why that is not a valid explanation –
First, the point of friendship is to share your joy or pain with the other person.
When you are going through a tough time and you decide to shut people out, you hurt the ones that love you. It’s SELFISH.Rehdwolf.
Even if you don’t want to share, the least you can do is to assure them that you will call on them when you need them so they don’t kill themselves with worry over you. They’re your friends for a reason. Shutting your loved ones out without reason is SELFISH.
Secondly, it is not a problem unless it becomes a repeat occurrence; “not once, not twice but thousand” times! Okay, I am exaggerating but you get my drift.
The truth is that…
It is very easy to take a person for granted, especially people we tag as “softies” because they care too much and don’t know how “not to care”. Every time you shove a softie aside, just an apology is enough to make them forgive you – fresh start and all. The only thing is that once these softies stop caring, it is really the end.
So if you have a “softie” as a friend, don’t take their overcaring attitude as a reason to ride all over them because an apology will quickly fix things. Everyone has a breaking point from accumulated frustrations from which there may be no going back.
Another truth is that…
It is either you take them for granted, because that thing that you couldn’t see from far apparently becomes clearer when you come closer. You do not fully process the fact that you even saw them as anything other than ordinary. You strip them of their achievements and values and attitudes and all that remains is the ordinary, nothing that attracted you to them in the first place. They’re annoying, leave stuff all over the place and you wish they would just disappear. They’re not even that special.
Or you could appreciate that you have got to the point where you can actually see someone as ordinary. It is a privileged position, that allows you to see someone for who they really are. It is the height of vulnerability and that in a sense, gives you strength. What greater love than that which allows you to see someone for who they really are and love them still?
Stop taking your friends for granted! Suddenly you don’t treat them special anymore, you don’t call them by 12 am on their birthday, you don’t randomly hit them up and make them laugh, you don’t even TRY because you think you have already secured the bag (them).
Say what you will but these little things matter. If someone means something to you, you have to prove it to them every time, no matter how little the measure.Rehdwolf
The most annoying thing about it is that you start excuses like “I’m not good at communicating”, “I don’t know how to text or I don’t like texting.”. LOL. If someone or something is important to you, you’d definitely not make excuses.
I don’t know what friendship has become these days but when you call someone your friend, you have to mean it in every sense of the word.
These days, most people just flaunt social media friendship without having the real deal and that is TRASH.
STOP TAKING YOUR FRIENDS FOR GRANTED. Be intentional about your friendships too because your friends are the ones that will come through when you have no one else to fall back on.
Do better. Be better.
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